Happiness, Relief & Release

Over the weekend I have been feeling calm, happy, relaxed and keep smiling. Although this was not what I was expecting, (and I'm sure it will get harder), I'm determined to enjoy these feelings every single time I have them.

I woke up on Saturday morning and felt...really good. I stretched, smiled, and started to giggle. I was not hungover. At All. I felt...ordinary.

In fact if I didn't have a broken foot right now I'd have leapt from my bed and taken the dog for a walk on the beach.

I keep thinking, cringing internally, about times I've been drunk - what I remember of the conversation is very much me loudly repeating one or two sentences. I used to think I needed to drink to be sociable, funny, engaging...likeable. Now I wonder if I'm really all that, or just a bit loud and tiresome. Maybe I'm naturally just quite shy. Maybe that's OK.

I'm feeling today as though I'm starting on a journey to discover who I actually am. I started drinking when I was 11....I really don't know what I'm like when I'm not sometimes thinking about my next drink.

I'm not craving alcohol. At all. (Not yet anyway). It's day 11, and to be honest I feel repulsed by it. My physical reaction to thinking about alcohol is it's toxic, like a poison.

I'm happy to not have to do that any more. I feel free from a life long obsession.

I'm calm and enthusiastic to get to know who I am without alcohol.